


If It's Worth Savin' Me...

by LilyAnson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Sam, Angst, Attempted Fluff, Bottom Crowley, Concussed Sam, Demon Deals, Emotional Baggage, Head Injury, Heaven, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Language, Lust Potion/Spell, M/M, Memory Alteration, Protective Crowley, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Sexual Coercion, Top Sam, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:22:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5269538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley turns to Sam for help with a witch.  A spell has a very unforeseen effect.  Will it break the tentative friendship or could it bring them closer than either thought possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taraburnett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taraburnett/gifts).



“Look out,” Crowley shouted at the hunter.

Too late. Whatever spell the witch had cast slammed into Sam before he could get out of the way. Crowley lashed out at the witch with his powers imploding her. Turning Crowley intended to check on Sam but suddenly found himself kissing the other man. Damned if it didn’t feel as wonderful as he always knew it would. It was amazing. It was… wrong. Crowley blinked several times as mind finally caught up to what was happening.

Reaching up Crowley struggled with Sam trying to shove the hunter away. Sam had never shown any interest in him. There was no reason the younger Winchester should be kissing him right now. With one final shove Crowley managed to free himself. Sam started walking towards him and Crowley brought his hands up as he took several steps back.

“What the hell Sam? What’s wrong with you?”

“You,” Sam answered still stalking towards him. 

Crowley continued backing up until he hit a wall. Damn it. Sam walked forward until Crowley’s hands were pressed against his chest. Something was definitely wrong with Sam, but for the life of him Crowley couldn’t understand what. Sam had been perfectly fine moments ago. It wasn’t until… the spell… 

Great, just his luck. He finally gets the one thing he would have sold his soul for, if he still had one, and he can’t do anything about it. First, there was no way Sam would feel the same way without being spelled. Second, the spell was only temporary. Sooner or later it was going to wear off, then where would that leave them? With Sam pissed and probably him dead for taking advantage of Sam.

“Sam, listen to me. It’s a spell, you need to fight it.”

“Nope,” Sam replied pressing forward against Crowley’s hands.

“Damn it Sam, you don’t really feel this way. It’s just the spell, fight it!”

“Want you.”

“No you really, _really_ , don’t,” Crowley growled. 

And didn’t that hurt? He would love for those words to be true. Sam reached up and shoved Crowley’s hands away. Reaching up again Sam placed his hands against the wall to either side of Crowley pinning the demon. Crowley’s breathing sped up as Sam leaned in closer.

“Yes,” Sam stated low but forcefully. 

His breath ghosted over Crowley’s skin and the demon shivered slightly. Gods, how he wanted this. Emotions warred with each other inside of him. It would be so easy to give in and take what he had wanted for so long. So easy just to let Sam have his way. Staring into the hunter’s eyes Crowley started to reach forward. _Stop_ , he ordered himself. Shaking his head Crowley blinked out from in front of Sam and across the room.

“It’s not real. It’s a spell. You don’t want this Sam, fight it.”

Sam turned and began stalking towards him again. He couldn’t keep blinking away. Well, he could but it would get annoying. He needed to find a way to break the spell. Crowley began to back up again as Sam neared. Checking behind himself he turned to avoid backing into another wall. Pretty soon going in circles was going to get as annoying as constantly blinking away. There had to be some way to get through to Sam that he really did not want this.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Sam said as he continued to follow Crowley.

“I- I don’t,” Crowley stammered. “And neither do you!”

“You’re lying,” Sam told him.

Of course he was bloody lying but Sam couldn’t know that.

“Think about what Squirrel would say,” Crowley implored.

“He’s not here, is he,” Sam countered.

“Please,” Crowley begged.

He should leave. Just blink away and be done with this. The problem was, he couldn’t. 

“Sam,” Crowley whispered. “Please.”

Crowley found his steps slowing. Please don’t do this, he begged Sam in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he could continue to resist this. Not when he had wanted it for so long. Before he realized it, he had stopped backing away altogether. Sam approached him and stopped mere inches away. Reaching up Sam put his hand against Crowley’s cheek. Unconsciously Crowley leaned into the touch. Leaning forward Sam placed his mouth next to Crowley’s ear.

“You want this too,” Sam whispered.

A soft whine escaped Crowley’s lips. Yes, of course he wanted this. He just wanted Sam to want this too. _Really_ want this. How could he let this happen while Sam was under the influence of a spell. He had to stop this before something happened they both regretted. Sam tilted his head and placed his mouth over the bottom of Crowley’s ear. Crowley inhaled sharply as the hunter began sucking on his earlobe.

“Please,” Crowley whispered.

“Shh. Just let me take care of you,” Sam soothed.

Crowley let out another soft whine as he felt his resistance crumbling. Sam trailed light kisses across Crowley’s jaw until he got to Crowley’s mouth. Moving the hand on Crowley’s cheek to under his jaw Sam held it lightly as he stared into Crowley’s eyes. 

“Please,” Crowley repeated softly.

Sam leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Unable to fight his desires any longer Crowley leaned into the kiss. His lips parted and Sam’s tongue darted into his mouth, exploring it. Groaning Crowley wrapped his arms around Sam. Reaching up Sam pulled Crowley’s arms back down. He held Crowley’s wrists firmly as he finally broke the kiss and pulled back slowly.

“I need… I need…” Crowley trailed off. He needed to stop this is what he needed.

“I know what you need. Shh baby, just let me take care of you.”

Hell have mercy on him, Crowley broke. He couldn’t deny himself any longer. Nodding Crowley finally gave up fighting. Sam released Crowley’s wrists and reached up shoving Crowley’s jacket off of his shoulders slowly. As the jacket hit the floor Crowley couldn’t make himself care. Sam’s hands moved to start unbuttoning the shirt. Crowley’s eyes slid closed as Sam undid the last button and began removing the shirt.

“That’s it baby,” Sam breathed. “Let me do the work.”

At the very least he should blink them somewhere else. If he was going to let this happen he should blink them somewhere better, somewhere nicer. Still with his eyes closed he opened his mouth to tell Sam but Sam pressed a finger over his lips. 

“Shh,” Sam whispered.

Removing the finger Sam tugged Crowley’s undershirt up and over his head. Weak, Crowley berated himself. Sam placed a hand on each of Crowley’s hips. Crowley moaned and leaned his head backward. Releasing one Crowley’s hips Sam put a hand behind Crowley’s head and gently righted it. Crowley opened his eyes and stared into Sam’s beautiful green eyes.

“Mine,” Sam told him.

Crowley swallowed hard and nodded. More than you will ever know, he thought to Sam. Sam began unbuttoning Crowley’s pants, never breaking eye contact. I love you, Crowley thought to the hunter. I’m sorry I’m too weak to stop this. When Sam finally had Crowley’s pants unbuttoned and unzipped he reached for his own shirt and pulled it over his head. Crowley’s mouth parted as he saw Sam topless for the first time. So beautiful. He lifted his hand and touched his fingers to Sam’s chest. Sam hummed and leaned into the touch. 

“Beautiful,” Crowley whispered.

Sam raised his hand and gently removed Crowley’s. Still holding Crowley’s hand Sam tugged lightly until Crowley started to lower himself. As he sat he realized Sam had positioned him so that he was sitting on his jacket. Sam let go of Crowley’s hand and gripped the waist of his pants. Crowley raised his hips so that Sam could slide the pants down. When he reached Crowley’s ankles Sam removed Crowley’s shoes. Finally Sam slipped the pants off of Crowley and stood. 

Kicking off his shoes Sam unbuttoned his own pants and slid them down. Lifting one foot at a time Sam pulled the pants off and tossed them to the side. Hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers Sam eyed Crowley intently. Crowley leaned forward slightly unable to look away as Sam slid the boxers down. Crowley’s breath caught at the sight of Sam standing before him fully naked. He started to stand up but Sam knelt down and placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. Shaking his head Sam moved his hands to behind Crowley’s shoulders and slowly laid him down. 

I can’t let him do this, he’ll hate himself later.

Sam removed Crowley’s underwear with the same slow precision he had used to remove everything else. Closing his eyes Crowley turned his head to the side. No, he couldn’t find it in himself to stop this but he also couldn’t watch while he allowed this to happen. I’m sorry Sam, Crowley thought over and over. As Sam spread Crowley’s legs Crowley could feel his heart breaking for his hunter.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley lay on his side with his shirt under his head for a make-shift pillow. Sam was an even more thoughtful and considerate lover than Crowley had envisioned. Sam lay behind Crowley with and arm wrapped over the demon, holding tightly onto him. From his position Crowley was left staring at the bottle of lube Sam had asked him to conjure. Hot tears filled Crowley’s eyes for the first time in… He couldn’t remember and it didn’t matter. Sam was going to hate him now. Worse, Sam was going to hate himself.

Sam tightened his grip and snuggled against Crowley. 

Afterwards Sam had uttered endearments and told Crowley how much he loved him. Crowley couldn’t respond. He had wanted to hear those words for so long it hurt to hear them now when Sam was bespelled. He desperately wanted to blink away. Perhaps Sam wouldn’t remember what happened when the spell wore off? Even if that were true he couldn’t leave Sam laying here naked and alone. Crowley shuddered from an unreleased sob.

“Mmm,” Sam murmured against Crowley’s neck.

Sam nuzzled the back of his neck and shifted. Crowley bit his bottom lip to keep from breaking down. Finally Sam started to prop himself up on an arm. Crowley _knew_ the second Sam realized it was him and that the spell was through running it’s course. Sam stilled and time seemed to stop entirely. 

“Crowley?”

Sam’s voice was angry and confused. Crowley bit his bottom lip harder. Sam grabbed his shoulder and yanked it backward until Crowley was laying on his back looking up at Sam.

“What the hell Crowley,” Sam shouted.

“Spell,” Crowley answered weakly.

“Did we just… Did you and I… Fuck!”

Sam stood and turned his back to Crowley. Crowley’s eyes drifted to Sam’s ass. Feeling guilty about checking him out Crowley sat up and dropped his eyes to the ground. When he heard movement he glanced back. Sam grabbed his pants off the floor and began pulling them on. Crowley willed himself clothed. When Sam had his pants on he turned back and glared at Crowley. 

“The witch hit you with a spell to incapacitate you. It caused you to become attracted to me for a time,” Crowley said quietly.

“And you thought, ‘what the hell, why not’,” Sam asked loudly.

“It wasn’t like that,” Crowley whispered dropping his eyes back to the ground.

“I know you’re a demon but I would liked to have thought even _you_ would have been above that!”

Crowley winced.

“I came here to _help_ you with your problem and you take advantage of me? Do not ever contact us again and I swear if you tell anyone about this…”

“I won’t.”

Sam turned and began to gather the rest of his clothes. Leaving, Crowley thought. He’s leaving and he’s going to hate himself because of this. He had to do something while he could.

“It was the spell,” Crowley stated as he stood. 

Sam turned back and glared at him. “What?”

“It wasn’t your fault Sam, it was the spell. Don’t blame yourself for what happened.”

“I don’t. I fucking blame _you_!”

Turning Sam stalked out of the building carrying his shirt, boxers and shoes. 

Crowley watched until Sam was gone then dropped to his knees defeatedly. Despite what Sam claimed Crowley knew he would still blame himself as well. He had been resigned to never being able to have Sam. What he wasn’t ready for was never being able to contact him ever again. He knew Sam would be pissed but he hadn’t really thought about what that meant at the time. He had been weak and hurt Sam. Now he had lost him. 

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley incinerated the demon in front of him. Two weeks, two bloody weeks, and not one new soul. Useless! Why did all of his demons have to be so incompetent? He was going to have to start having them tortured instead of killing them. He had already killed four of them this week for displeasing him. Growling Crowley strode out of the throne room.

The demons were almost always incompetent and he didn’t usually kill them. No, that wasn’t really why he was this angry. He knew why he was angry. It had been his own stupid fault that had cost him his working relationship with Sam. If he hadn’t been so weak, if he had just blinked away, he would still have the working relationship with Sam. It wasn’t what he wanted but at least he had gotten to be near Sam. Now he would only ever get to see Sam if he spied on him without Sam’s knowledge. 

He respected Sam too much to spy on him. Dean was a different matter. He didn’t mind the idea of spying on the older Winchester but he couldn’t ensure that Sam _wouldn’t_ be there as well. Those two were inseparable. Crowley wasn’t sure which was worse. Seeing Sam again after everything, or never seeing him again. Both were too painful to contemplate. The only person he had to blame for any of this was himself. If he just hadn’t been so damned weak.

*-*-*-*-*

“Come on Sam, talk to me.”

“No,” Sam huffed as he stabbed his fork into his salad. 

“I know something’s up, okay. You may as well just tell me what it is.”

“Nothing is ‘up’ with me,” Sam shot back. 

“You haven’t been yourself for almost two weeks now. Something is definitely up with you. Why don’t you just tell me.”

Sam glared at his brother. I had sex with Crowley and can’t even remember it, Sam mentally yelled back to his brother. Yep, that would definitely shut up Dean. For a minute. Then Dean would be yelling his head off asking how it happened. Then Sam would be forced to admit he had gone to help Crowley with a witch problem without Dean because Dean hated witches and, oh yeah, he may or may not have a thing for said demon. Yeah, he could so see this conversation going well.

“Nothing is wrong with me. I just… I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“You don’t want to talk about what’s not wrong,” Dean asked raising an eyebrow.

Damn it! “Exactly,” Sam bit out before shoving a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“You’re the one that’s always trying to talk about things. Give me something, Sam.”

You know he won’t let this go, Sam’s mind told him. Fuck. Sam glanced around to be sure no one would overhear. “About two weeks ago I went to take out a witch with Crowley.”

“Crowley? Why would you want help him with anything?”

“The witch needed to be taken out anyway Dean. It just happened that it benefited Crowley too.”

“Okay, but why not tell me about it?”

“Because you hate witches, Dean. Plus Crowley was there.”

“Exactly. You’d think you would want someone to watch your back.”

“See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about. I knew you’d be pissed.”

“Well yeah I’m pissed Sam. You went on a hunt without me but you took a demon as backup?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like? Cause it sure sounds like that.”

“Whatever, I’m done.”

“No you’re not. Fine. You took out a witch with Crowley, then what?”

“Nothing it’s just… Crowley pissed me off, that’s all.”

“Serves you right for working with him in the first place.”

Sam glared at his brother before shoving the chair backwards and standing.

“Come on Sam. You knew what he was like,” Dean said standing.

Sam turned and headed for the door. Serves me right? Seriously? Whatever. Sam made his way out of the diner and Dean followed him.

“You do know what he’s like. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself in for.”

Turning to face Dean Sam clenched and unclenched his jaw. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He wasn’t about to tell his brother he had sex with Crowley. Sam shook his head. “I’m done with this conversation. You wanted to know what was up with me, Crowley being a jackass. Now you know so now you can drop it.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something else and Sam glared at him until he shut it. 

Still seething, Sam walked the car. Getting in he slammed the door shut. Fucking Crowley. He should have known better than to trust the demon. Dean got in the car, shut his door and glanced over to him. Sam turned to stare out the window instead. Finally Dean started the engine and Sam’s thoughts returned to Crowley. 

To be fair he did feel a strange attraction to Crowley from early on. If he thought the demon felt anything for him he might have acted on his feelings. And done what? Asked him on a date? Sam clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to growl. Previous feelings aside he had still been under the effects of the spell. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. Crowley did but had chosen to take advantage of the situation. 

If nothing else Crowley could have left, Sam thought crossing his arms. Just because I was spelled to go after him didn’t mean he had to stay and participate. After all, Crowley wasn’t spelled. Sam frowned. Crowley hadn’t been spelled. Why _had_ Crowley stayed? Sam had been so angry at Crowley for so long he hadn’t bothered to think of what the demon’s motivations might have been. Crowley didn’t have the excuse of an outside force compelling him to do something. Did that mean Crowley had wanted it too?

*-*-*-*-*

Nope, he wasn’t sitting around feeling sorry for himself. Nope, not a chance. He was a demon and demons didn’t throw pity parties, thank you very much. He was… was… Crowley unconsciously bit his bottom lip trying to figure out what he was doing if he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself. He couldn’t think of anything else. Damn it. Fucking Sam Winchester! _He_ was the one that had been wronged here. Not Sam. Yes, Sam had been spelled but Crowley had said no. Multiple times come to think of it. So why the hell was he still worried about how Sam felt?

Crowley sighed. Because he loved Sam, that was why. Just because Sam was willing at the time didn’t mean it was right. He really should have left. Sam was spelled into wanting to be with him. The spell had forced Sam to do something he wouldn’t have done otherwise. Sam had also been wronged. He couldn’t place all the blame on Sam and the witch was dead. There wasn’t anyone else to blame but himself. 

When he felt the familiar pull of being summoned Crowley’s eyebrows lowered. Very few people knew how to summon him specifically. Eventually he would have to go, that’s how it worked with specific summonings. Crowley resisted for the moment trying to figure out who would be summoning him. The only person he could think of was Sam. His breathing quickened at the thought of seeing the younger Winchester again. What if it was Dean? Crowley’s muscles locked. If Sam had told Dean… 

With his mind temporarily distracted he forgot he was using his powers to resist the summoning. As the spell took him Crowley cursed himself. Whoever it was that was summoning he would know soon enough. Arriving Crowley found himself in a demon trap, of course. He spotted Sam with his arms crossed and staring at him intently. Stop staring back, Crowley ordered himself. Pasting on his best smile he adopted his usual arrogant attitude.

“Moose. What can I do for you today?”

“You’ve already done enough, don’t you think?”

For a moment the mask threatened to slip. Crowley attempted to cover the minor slip up. “Pardon me for reminding you, but it was you doing everything. I was merely another warm body.” 

“Why,” Sam asked.

Crowley frowned. “Why what?”

“Why _were_ you ‘another warm body’?”

“Because you weren’t about to take no. Who am I to deny your charms when fling yourself at me.”

“Cut the crap, Crowley. I don’t believe you willingly lay down and let people fuck you in abandoned warehouses on a regular basis. Why did you really stay?”

Crowley scrambled for an answer. “Maybe I was just curious.”

“Nope. See, I woke up next to you. That means I was asleep.”

“Sleep usually precedes waking up, yes.”

“Which means if you were just curious you could have left after you satisfied that curiosity. But you didn’t, did you? You stayed while I slept. Why?”

Crowley blinked rapidly. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? His mind raced trying to find something. “Maybe I’m a snuggler,” he answered, shrugging. It was getting harder and harder to keep the attitude in place.

“Naked? In an abandoned warehouse?”

“I’ve done stranger things.”

“Okay. Say I buy that story. You were curious about having sex with me for some reason. You stayed because you’re a snuggler. Why stop me when I’m about to leave to tell me it wasn’t my fault?”

Crowley opened his mouth but closed it quickly when he realized he didn’t have any decent answers for that. 

“If everything was only about curiosity and snuggling, why not just let me leave afterwards?”

“You- I didn’t want you to blame me,” Crowley huffed and crossed his own arms.

“Why?”

“What’s with the twenty questions Moose? I mean if all you wanted was a friendly chat-”

“Stop,” Sam ordered. “I know you Crowley. You’re hiding something.”

“You don’t know the first thing about me Sam,” Crowley growled. There was no way Crowley was going to let Sam try to shove him around. For his part Crowley had been trying to keep things civil. He had been hurt that day, the same as Sam. Worse, in fact, he had been heartbroken. He wasn’t about to let Sam know that though. 

“You think what happened was bad,” Crowley yelled. “Imagine what it would have been like if I hadn’t let you take charge. I could have made you do anything I wanted. You don’t know half of the depraved things I’ve done durring sex. Don’t you get an attitude with me!”

Crowley had to work to keep himself for shaking. The statement was true but misleading. He had been completely against homosexual relationships when he had been human. It wasn’t until he got to hell and had been tortured in hell after selling his soul that he ever found himself sleeping with other men. Even during those times he was always the top. He wouldn’t chance anything like what happened in the torture pits happening to him again. He hadn’t bottomed since the pits until that time in the warehouse with Sam.

“Crowley?”

Crowley ignored Sam and turned his back to him.

“You’re shaking.”

Was he? Did it matter? He didn’t know if it mattered or not but he honestly didn’t care.

“What’s wrong?”

Crowley shook his head. He had to pull himself together. Taking a deep breath he released it and turned back to Sam. “I think we’re done here.” He sounded shaky even to his own ears.

“I’m sorry.”

Crowley’s eyes narrowed on Sam. “Sorry for what?”

“I have to know what happened. I’m not letting you out until you tell me the truth.”

“Sam, let me out.”

“Arguing with me won’t make me release you. With you inside the demon trap I can wait until I’m satisfied and you can’t leave.”

“Think carefully about this Sam. You _really_ do not want to do this.”

“Because you’ll get angry?”

“I’m already angry.”

“Then I don’t have anything to lose.”

“I may just have you and your brother killed for this.”

“If you wanted me dead you could have killed me in the warehouse.”

“I’m not going to be forced into telling you anything.”

“Fine, make a deal with me.”

“What?”

“Make a deal with me. Tell me honestly why you stayed and let us sleep together. If you answer the question and don’t try to weasel out of what you know I want to know I’ll tell you the main thing I never wanted you to know.”

Crowley narrowed his eyebrows again. “That’s a little vague. Care to be more clear?”

“If your reason is what I think it is, I’m pretty sure you’ll want to hear what I have to say.”

“Pretty sure?”

“If I’m wrong about your reason what I tell you will only serve to give you more to hold over me.”

“If you’re right?”

“You’ll probably appreciate what I have to say. It’s win win for you. Either you get something you want or you get more ammunition to hold over me.”

Crowley thought about it for a second. “I won’t be forced to make a deal. Let me out first.”

“Nope. I know you Crowley. I’m not letting you out until I get the answer. Either you take the deal and get something in return or we sit here until you talk. You don’t have to accept the deal, no one’s forcing you.”

“And I’m supposed to trust you out of the goodness of my heart?”

“Nope. Out of the goodness of mine. You really think I’ll back out of the agreement?”

“How do I know you won’t just leave me here when we’re done?”

“For the same reason you knew you could count on me to have your back when I told you I’d help with your witch problem. You know what kind of person I am.”

Crowley chewed on his lower lip for a while contemplating it. He did know Sam. Sam would always keep his end of the deal. The problem was Crowley wasn’t sure if the vague bit of information Sam was offering was worth what Sam wanted to know. On the other hand, he would get to kiss his Sam at least one more time. Maybe _that_ was worth it?

“Deal. You do know we have to seal the deal with a kiss, right?”

Sam didn’t say a word as he strode into the demon trap. Walking over to Crowley Sam wrapped an arm around the demon’s back and place a hand behind his head. Leaning down Sam pressed his lips to Crowley’s and flicked his tongue over his lips. Crowley opened his mouth and shoved his tongue into Sam’s mouth. Wrapping his own arms around Sam Crowley deepened the kiss as he pressed the hunter against his body. Sam didn’t break the kiss immediately and Crowley sure as hell wasn’t going to be the first one to break it. This might just be the last kiss he ever got from his Sam.

Finally the need for air forced Sam to break the kiss. Both stood in the middle of the demon trap, holding each other and panting heavily. Gods he loved Sam. What specifically had he agreed to tell him? _Tell me honestly why you stayed and let us sleep together._ Crowley winced as he remembered. Was revealing that worth the kiss they’d just shared? 

“I wanted to fuck you,” Crowley said quietly.

“I don’t buy the ‘because you were curious’ answer.”

“It’s technically true.”

“Explain technically.”

“I’ve wanted you for a while.” Crowley dropped his arms away from Sam’s body. “I didn’t want to sleep with you _that_ way, but you asked why I stayed. I couldn’t leave. I had wanted you for so long I didn’t have the strength to say no when you offered.”

And now it was finally out. Now he definitely wouldn’t see Sam again. How could he ever look at the hunter knowing Sam knew what he felt? What if Sam told Dean? Crowley shook his head. “Your turn,” he prompted Sam.

Sam nodded and took a deep breath. “I was already attracted to you before the spell.”

Wait, what? Crowley’s mind struggled to understand that. “What do you mean, attracted,” he asked cautiously.

“I’m not saying I would have jumped into bed with you the first chance I got but I was already drawn to you before I was hit with the spell. It didn’t cause me to suddenly want you, it just made me want to take you right then.”

“You’re lying,” Crowley growled.

“If I was lying I would be breaking my end of the deal. I told you I would tell you the one thing I never wanted you to know.”

“But you never…”

“Showed it?” Sam sighed. “I didn’t want you to know for several reasons. What if you got pissed? What if you attacked me or Dean because of it? What if we needed to make a deal for some reason and you required me to fuck you? Come on, Crowley, you have to see why I didn’t want to say anything. Plus you’ve never shown an interest in me either.”

Crowley stared at Sam in shock. “I would never force you to sleep with me for a deal,” he said quietly. “I wanted you to want it as well. That’s why I didn’t want to sleep with you in the warehouse. You were under the spell’s influence. You didn’t make the decision, you were forced into sleeping with me.”

“Then why stay Crowley? If you didn’t want it that way, why stay?”

“I was too weak to say no anymore. I tried but I could only resist so long. After a while I couldn’t resist you anymore. I’m sorry, Sam.” Crowley gave an unhappy laugh. “Do you know I thought that at you the whole time? I knew how upset you would be at having been forced to do something like that but I could only say no so many times.”

“Crowley? Can I… I mean, as far as I’m concerned you made good on the deal and you don’t owe me anything else. I was just wondering, was it only sex you wanted?”

“I don’t know quite how to answer that,” Crowley stated honestly. “I mean, I wanted more at one point but…”

“But what?”

“I kind of gave up on getting it. To be honest I gave up on actually getting sex as well but I still had hope that maybe one day it would happen. Just… not that way,” Crowley finished quietly.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Crowley waved off the apology. “Don’t be. I already knew you’d be upset.”

“That’s why you told me not to blame myself?”

Crowley nodded.

“So,” Sam said slowly. “You tried to say no.”

“Many times.”

“You felt bad because I didn’t make the decision of my own cognizance. You tried to keep me from being angry at myself.”

Crowley shrugged. “I told you I used to want more. I couldn’t let you blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

“Do you still?”

“What?”

“Do you still want more?”

“Don’t Sam. I gave up on that. I can’t let myself start thinking like that again.”

“What if I was willing to try for more?”

“See, that’s the point. ‘What if’. You’re not saying you are willing, you’re just speculating. I won’t get my hopes up again.”

“I _am_ willing to try if you’re willing.”

“Stop, I will not intentionally open myself up to being hurt.”

“Crowley? Trust me? I don’t hurt those I care about on purpose. Please give this a shot.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you have no reason to care about me.”

Sam watched him thoughtfully and Crowley began to get uncomfortable under the scrutiny. 

“That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t think anyone _can_ care about you. It’s not about me, it’s about you.”

“Damn it Sam, don’t go there.”

Sam scuffed his shoe against the lines of the demon trap until one broke.

“If you’re not ready, I’m not going to force you. Whenever you are ready though, just remember I’ll be waiting for you.”

Crowley stared at Sam. He couldn’t find a good response to that. Sam was letting him go and would wait for him? Was it possible Sam actually did care for him? There was so much he wanted to ask he didn’t know where to begin. 

“I do want you but I’m not going to pressure you Crowley. Take all the time you need to figure out what you want.”

“What if…”

Walking over to Crowley Sam wrapped his arms around him. Crowley let himself melt into the embrace. It felt so right. Sam was too good. There was no way Sam could love him but maybe that could be okay. Maybe they could still have something even if it wasn’t everything Crowley had wanted.

“Sam?”

“Yeah baby?”

Crowley relaxed even more at the endearment. Sam was calling him baby and he wasn’t spelled this time. It was perhaps the most wonderful thing Crowley could ever remember hearing.

“Crowley?”

“No. Baby’s better.”

Laughing softly Sam rubbed a hand over Crowley’s back a few times.

“Baby it is,” Sam agreed.

“I would like to try, I’m just…”

“We’ll take it slow. Okay?”

Crowley nodded and held onto Sam even more tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley paced back and forth in the hotel room. Maybe something had happened to Sam? Maybe he had been attacked on his way here? What if he had been injured? What if he was dying? What if Sam just didn’t want to come? What if-. Crowley’s thoughts were cut short when someone opened the door. He held his breath as the door opened. When Sam finally entered Crowley rushed over and pulled him into the room. Slamming the door shut Crowley began checking Sam for injuries. Sam reached out and grabbed Crowley’s hands.

“Whoa, easy. At least let me get my jacket off first.”

Crowley glared. “You’re almost an hour late.”

“I said approximately nine. Approximately, Crowley.”

“You could have been dying and I would never have known.” 

“I’m fine Crowley, Dean just wanted to grab a beer and wouldn’t take no. I didn’t want him to get suspicious.”

Dean. Crowley frowned. “Sam-”

“No, and I really don’t want to talk about that right now,” Sam stated removing his jacket.

“If we told him-”

“Enough,” Sam said brusquely. “I’m not discussing this again tonight.”

Crowley bit his bottom lip but didn’t reply.

“Look I know you worry but I’ll be fine. It’s not worth the hassle of telling him right now.”

“Whatever you say Sam.”

“Look, can we not do this right now?”

Crowley shrugged.

Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Damn it,” Sam mumbled. 

“It’s fine,” Crowley stated dismissively.

“It’s not fine. I know you think I’m hiding this relationship, but I’m not. I’m just not ready to fight with Dean about it.”

“It’s just that I could tag along sometimes to make sure you’re safe.”

“We’ve been through this. I’m perfectly safe with Dean. If we ever get into something we can’t handle you’ll be the first person I contact.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, now can we _please_ not talk about Dean anymore?”

Crowley grabbed onto the front of Sam’s shirt and pulled him down into a kiss.

“Whatever you say, love.” 

Releasing Sam Crowley shrugged out of his jacket. Hanging it over the nearest chair he reached for the buttons on his shirt. Sam reached out and gripped Crowley’s wrists. Leaning in close Sam put his mouth next to Crowley’s ear.

“That’s my job,” Sam whispered.

Crowley shivered at the words. With a nod Crowley dropped his hands and let his arms rest at his sides. Sam loved undressing him but sometimes Crowley almost couldn’t take the infuriatingly slow way Sam had of removing his clothes. Sam led them to the bed and leaned in for another kiss before lying him down. Despite how maddening the slow pace was, Crowley was often grateful for the care Sam used. Too many many of his memories of being with men were tied to violence and pain. The slow precision Sam used help assure Crowley Sam wouldn’t hurt him in the same way as the others. As Sam climbed onto the bed and straddled his hips Crowley moaned and arched against Sam.

“Easy baby, easy,” Sam soothed. “Soon, just let me take care of you. We’ll get there.”

Crowley moaned again and let his eyes drift closed as Sam reached for the buttons on his shirt. He lost himself in the sensations; the weight of Sam on his hips, the light tug of Sam undoing the shirt’s buttons. When all of the buttons had been undone Sam opened the shirt slowly. The next thing Crowley felt was the soft touch of Sam’s fingers on his chest. Slowly Sam gently drug the fingers down Crowley’s chest until they reached the top of his slacks. 

“Sam,” Crowley whispered.

“It’s me, baby.”

Yes, he could definitely get used to this. Sam’s voice, the feeling of Sam’s fingers on his skin, the complete and utter reverence Sam used when they were together. If Crowley were to picture heaven he imagined it would feel just like this. Assured that it was definitely his Sam undressing him Crowley allowed himself to relax and give into the moment.

*-*-*-*-*

With his head on Sam’s shoulder and an arm over his hunter Crowley found it hard to imagine life could get any better than this. It was easy to forget about everything else. When he was with Sam he could forget that Sam was a hunter who put his life on the line everyday and that he was a demon who ruled hell. During these times it was just he and Sam; no hunters, no monsters, no demons.

“You’re thinking again,” Sam stated without opening his eyes.

“Nothing bad,” Crowley assured him.

“Hmm?”

“I was just thinking of how much I love the time I spend with you.”

“Mmm.” Sam reached over and put his hand on Crowley’s arm. “Love you too.”

Stunned, Crowley blinked several times. “Sam?”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.”

“Crowley?”

“Yeah?”

“Sleep.”

“Got it.”

Did Sam really say that he loved him? It was the first time Sam had said that since he had been spelled. He’s tired, Crowley thought. He just said it because he’s sleepy and didn’t realize what he was saying. That had to be it. Still, it would have been nice if Sam really did love him. Didn’t matter, Crowley decided. As long as he still got to have moments like these everything was good enough.

“Crowley.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still thinking.”

“Sorry.”

Sam cracked an eye open and inspected him. “If I’m not going to get any sleep we may as well make better use of the time.”

“Again?”

“If you want to.”

“Do you?”

“Only if you want, I’m not going to push you baby.”

Gods did it sound amazing when Sam called him baby. “Yes. Definitely yes.”

Sam gave Crowley’s arm a light squeeze and moved his hand. Crowley shifted until he was no longer laying on Sam’s shoulder. Turning onto his side Sam propped his head up on one hand and gazed at Crowley. With his other hand Sam brushed the tips of his fingers over Crowley’s left nipple.

“Mmm. Yes,” Crowley moaned leaning into the touch.

“That’s it baby. Just enjoy it.”

*-*-*-*-*

Sam snagged some breakfast burritos, coffee, orange juice and a piece of pie for good measure before returning to the room Dean had rented. He really hadn’t meant to stay that long but sleeping next to Crowley was just so nice he hadn’t wanted to leave. Hopefully he could distract Dean enough with the pie to keep him from asking awkward questions. 

It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his relationship. God only knew Crowley probably thought that. He really just didn’t want to fight with his brother about who he chose to see. His relationships were his business, not Dean’s. Dean, undoubtedly, would have an utter fit at Sam sleeping with Crowley. Sam rolled his eyes. He walked up to the door fishing for the key in his pocket when the door opened. Dean paused as he noticed Sam.

“Where were you all night,” Dean asked.

“Out,” Sam answered curtly. “I brought breakfast.”

“You could have called,” Dean said as he closed to door to the room.

“Hey, what about my stuff?”

“Packed it already.”

“I didn’t change clothes yet,” Sam protested.

“Should have gotten here earlier. Anything you want to tell me Sam?”

Eying his brother carefully Sam tried to figure out what Dean meant.

“Nothing you might want to share,” Dean asked cocking an eyebrow.

“Not in particular, no.”

“Come on Sammy, talk to me. It’s a chick isn’t it?”

For a while the only thing Sam could do was stare. 

“Chick,” Sam repeated dumbfounded.

“Uh yeah, you know, like a girl?”

“Yeah,” Sam said slowly finally understanding. “Uh, I met… someone.”

“What’s her name?”

“Um. I’d rather not talk about it right now.”

“Oh come on, I’m not asking for details here. Just a name?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” Sam mumbled as he made his way to the Impala.

“So no name,” Dean acquiesced getting into the car. “Give me something else then.”

Sam chewed on his lip as he thought for a moment. It might be easier if Dean assumed he was seeing a woman. That would also explain why he wanted to spend the night elsewhere sometimes. “Dark hair, dark eyes,” Sam finally said. “And a horrible sense of humor,” he added smiling.

“I’m thinking… Lucia.”

“What?”

“If you aren’t going to give me a name I’m going to make up one. I’m picturing her now, dark hair like a raven. Dark eyes almost black-”

“Brown,” Sam corrected automatically. Fuck, Sam thought. I have to keep my mouth shut.

“Brown, even better. Like melted chocolate.”

“Shut up jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Sam grinned. Maybe, just maybe, this could work.

*-*-*-*-*

“He calls me what?”

“Lucia.”

Crowley thought about that. It did kind of roll off the tongue. All in all it wasn’t a bad name. Lucia, he thought. He had definitely been called worse. Crowley shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Seriously?”

“Well a bit pretentious I suppose, but if he’s going to call me something that works as well as anything else.”

“Shut up Lucia.”

Crowley grinned. “I love- getting you hot and bothered,” Crowley stumbled. 

Please don’t let him notice, Crowley begged. Not once yet had he ever outright said he loved Sam. Something always held him back. Sam, for his part, didn’t seem to notice the slip.

“I love getting hot and bothered, as long as you get the same way.”

Thank you to whatever force blinded Sam to that misspeak, Crowley thought. “So,” Crowley continued. “Want to get all hot and bothered together?” Crowley gave a Sam a wink.

Sam’s response was to reach down and grab Crowley under his knees. Lifting the demon he carried Crowley to the bed.

“Be still my beating heart,” Crowley teased.

“You only think it’s beating hard right now. Wait til I get started,” Sam teased back.

“Oh Moose, such a flirt.”

“Only with you, Lucia.”

Crowley broke out in laughter. “I swear, if you call me that during sex-”

Sam dropped Crowley onto the bed. 

“Then what? You won’t sleep with me anymore,” Sam asked smirking.

Crowley’s heart beat even faster. He loved it when Sam was cocky.

“I have a feeling you don’t care what I call you, unless it’s late for sex.” Sam winked at Crowley. The smile suddenly faded. “Crowley?”

“Yes Moose?”

“Do you _really_ want me to tell Dean about us?”

Crowley lowered his eyebrows. “Why,” he asked suspiciously. 

“I was just thinking…”

“Sam whatever I can get, I’m happy with.”

“I know, but what do you _want_?”

He thought about that for a moment. “I want several things. I’d like to wrap you in bubble wrap and duct tape and store you in my rooms so that you never get hurt. I’d like to ensure that you’re always going to be happy no matter what you do in life. I’d like for our relationship to be accepted, not just by Dean but by my demons as well. But mostly? I’d like you to get your ass in this bed and ravish me.”

“ _That_ I can do,” Sam stated. Shoving Crowley backwards he flopped down on top of Crowley.

“Oohph. Get off of me you moose,” Crowley complained through a fit of laughter.

“Nope,” Sam told Crowley before kissing him hard. Eventually Sam finally broke the kiss and drew back. “Admit it. You don’t really want me to get off of you do you?”

“Yes I do,” Crowley contested.

Sam frowned.

“I still have my clothes on. I can’t get them off with you on top of me,” Crowley pointed out.

Sam grinned and Crowley could feel warmth spreading from his heart down to his toes.

 

*-*-*-*-*

Antsy. Crowley pondered the word. Yes, antsy fit. It had been almost two months since he and Sam had been together. After the first week he had started getting ‘Sam withdrawals’. After the second week he had started getting short tempered with the demons again. After a month he had gotten worried Sam found someone else. He lasted a week into the that second month before breaking down and spying on Sam.

Of course when he had gone to spy on Sam he couldn’t stop himself from talking to his hunter at the first possible moment. Adopting his arrogant, indifferent attitude he cornered Sam when Dean left on a food run. If Sam didn’t want him anymore there was no way Crowley was going to let him know how much it hurt. The second Crowley blinked in Sam wrapped his arms around him and held him for several moments. When Sam finally spoke it was to tell Crowley how much he missed him. Crowley had stayed there, in Sam’s arms, until Dean returned.

Now here he was three weeks later and antsy. Sam had to contact him soon Crowley pacified himself. Sam promised to make sure they got together before another month had passed. Not only that, Sam now called almost every day to check in with him. It helped somewhat to hear Sam’s voice. At least he wasn’t incinerating his demons for petty issues anymore. Still, given a choice he would chose being with Sam over a call any day.

*-*-*-*-*

“Finally, a break,” Dean said sliding into the driver’s seat. “Wanna grab a beer?”

“No, I have other things to do Dean,” Sam told his brother.

“What other things?”

Sam smiled. “Lucia.”

“Are you ever going to tell me her name?”

“I thought we settled on Lucia,” Sam smirked.

“Come on Sam, you’ve been with her for months now. Don’t you think it’s time I met her?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Not yet. Soon. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Don’t push this Dean. I want this relationship to work.”

“And what? You think if she meets me she’ll break up with you?”

Sam raised his hands and scrubbed his face. Dean knew he liked men as well even if Sam usually did date woman. Keeping from saying he or she was getting difficult. Maybe he should just tell Dean he was seeing a guy.

“He,” Sam said quietly.

“He what,” Dean asked. 

“He wouldn’t break up with me.”

“Wait. You’re dating a guy?”

“You know I like men, Dean.”

“You don’t date them, you usually just…”

“Yeah, but I like this one.”

“Damn it Sam!”

“You’re pissed I’m dating a guy?”

“Of course not. I’m pissed you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“You didn’t exactly tell the truth either,” Dean pointed out.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to talk about it and you wouldn’t stop pushing.”

“So it’s my fault you didn’t tell me you were dating a guy?”

“Yes. I really like him, Dean. I want to make sure this works. I didn’t want to argue about it with you.”

“You seriously thought I’d have a problem with you two?”

Sam pressed his lips together. Yes, he definitely thought Dean would have a problem with him dating Crowley.

“I don’t believe this. I was there when dad found out. I defended you, and you seriously still think I’d have a problem with this?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Really, cause that’s what it sounds like.”

“I just didn’t want to talk about it. You kept pushing.”

“You know I have to meet him right?”

“Fine, but… later?”

“Not too much later,” Dean grumbled starting the engine.

*-*-*-*-*

Staring at the door Sam hesitated. God he really didn’t want to have to tell Dean he was dating Crowley. Why had he even agreed to let Dean meet who he was dating? Worst idea ever. Shaking his head Sam opened the door and entered the motel room. Before he had a chance to shut the door he was wrapped tightly in his demon’s arms.

“Missed you too,” Sam told Crowley.

“Too long,” Crowley growled. Letting go with one hand Crowley shoved the door shut.

“Easy baby, we’ve got all night.”

“Dean had you for longer than a night.”

“I’m not sleeping with Dean.”

“Damned right you’re not,” Crowley growled pulling Sam down and kissing him forcefully.

“About Dean,” Sam began.

“What about him?”

“He wants to meet who I’m dating.”

“And you said?”

“Later. I don’t know about this Crowley. You two don’t get along with each other.”

“I’m not going to do anything to your brother, Sam.”

“I still don’t like it.”

“Why? I mean, I could protect you-”

“I told you I’m fine with Dean,” Sam said angrily. "Besides, what would you do if we had to take out a demon?”

“I’d summon the demon back to hell myself if I had to, to keep you safe.”

“Enough! Drop it Crowley. I don’t want to talk about Dean right now. If that’s all we’re going to do I may as well leave.”

.

Crowley bit his bottom lip and moved his arms until they wrapped around himself.

“Damn it,” Sam growled. Walking forward he placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “Baby? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

Crowley jerked his shoulder out from under Sam’s hand.

“I really am sorry,” Sam said quietly.

“I know. I just…” 

“Hey, no. It’s okay baby. I get it, okay? Tell me how to help right now.”

“I don’t know.”

“Would talking help?”

Crowley shook his head. No, he definitely didn’t want to talk about what he was feeling right now. 

“Baby?”

Crowley looked up and met Sam’s eyes.

“Come on, let’s sit down okay?”

Crowley turned to the bed.

“Hey,” Sam said sternly. “No. Do not go there right now. Stay with me.”

“Sam,” Crowley whispered.

“Yeah baby?”

“If… If you don’t want to be with me-”

“Damn it,” Sam muttered. Taking a step forward he wrapped his arms around Crowley. “I’m not leaving you, baby. I’m staying right here, okay?”

“It’s just, if you wanted…”

“Shh baby. No, I don’t want to leave you and I’m not here just to use you for sex. You know that. I’m here and I’m staying. It’s not about the sex, it’s about _you_. Okay?”

“I was worried you weren’t going to show up,” Crowley admitted quietly.

“I won’t do that to you. I promised you that if I ever thought about calling this off I would tell you in person and tell you exactly why. Remember?”

Get control of yourself, Crowley berated himself. You’re going to make him leave if you keep acting like this.

“Crowley,” Sam snapped. “Come back to me. Don’t go wherever your mind is taking you. Stay with me. Please? I need you here with me. Can you do that?”

“We could still have sex,” Crowley offered.

“No. I’d rather hold you right now more than anything else. If you feel better in time then maybe, if not then that’s fine too.”

“I don’t mind. I mean-”

“Stop it. I _will not_ do that to you. You know better. I’m not them. God baby, I wish I could fix this for you.”

Sam’s arms tightened around him and Crowley rested his head against Sam’s chest. He knew in his heart Sam wouldn’t hurt him and throw him away, he _knew_ it. Why couldn’t he get it through to his head? One day Sam was going to get tired of dealing with this.

“Please?”

“Anything, just tell me how to help right now.”

“Snuggles?”

“Crowley,” Sam said flatly. 

“In a chair. Not the bed, in a chair,” Crowley mumbled clinging to Sam’s shirt.

“That I can do. Come on, let’s sit down, ‘kay?”

When they got to the chair Crowley let Sam sit down first. As soon as Sam was settled Crowley sat down in the hunter’s lap. “Not too heavy,” Crowley mumbled against Sam’s chest.

“Nope,” Sam assured him. 

“I know that you’re not them, Sam. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Some wounds take a long time to heal Crowley. Some wounds are good with a band-aid, but some wounds require stitches and constant attention.”

Crowley nodded, too worn out to speak. 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here. I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere,” Sam whispered rubbing Crowley’s back. 

“Sam?”

“Hm?”

“Can you just talk? It doesn’t matter what. I just need to hear your voice.”

“I can do that. Hey, you want to hear about my day?”

Crowley nodded once again and Sam began talking.

*-*-*-*-*

All in all it had been a good day. He had acquired another soul for his quota and a few other prospects looked promising. Now to enjoy some free time before he had to return to hell and report. Turning he stopped dead when he saw the last thing he ever expected. Crowley, King of Hell, exiting a motel room with none other than Sam Winchester. What was Crowley doing in a motel room with a hunter? As he watched, the other two kissed and Crowley blinked away. As Sam began to leave the demon decided to follow him.

*-*-*-*-*

“Are you sure? Perhaps they made a deal?”

“You don’t rent a motel room for a deal. Besides even if that were the case they would have kissed in the room.”

The other demon growled.

“The question is, what do we do about it?”

“We? I’m not going anywhere near that. No matter what we do we’d be fucked. I don’t want Crowley disposed of and I don’t want to die either. Which is exactly why I’m not screwing with whoever he’s screwing.”

“I don’t want him dethroned either but we can’t seriously let him continue seeing a hunter.”

“Just how do you propose we stop him?”

“I have an idea.”


	3. Chapter 3

Inspecting the other demons he was beginning to think this might just work. If everyone did what they were supposed to then they would be able to take out the hunter and free their king to do his job. He didn’t actually care who his king slept with. He did, however, care if it was a hunter bent on ending their existence.

“Everyone know what they’re supposed to do?”

“We keep the older Winchester busy while your group takes out the younger Winchester,” a demon near the front answered.

“Exactly. Everyone ready?”

No one spoke and the group ported to near the Winchesters to find a satisfactory way to ambush the two. 

*-*-*-*-*

Sam cocked his head. Something didn’t feel right. He couldn’t put his finger on it but something was definitely wrong. Scanning the area he didn’t find any immediate cause for concern. As they kept walking he glanced to his brother. Dean didn’t seem to sense anything out of the ordinary. Sam shook his head. He was probably just being jumpy. Five steps before they were clear of the alleyway four demons appeared in front of them. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and Sam knew there were more demons behind them. Dropping into a defensive stance Sam prepared himself for a battle.

Leaving Dean to deal with the demons in front of them Sam turned to face the two demons behind them. Hopefully Dean would be fine holding off the four until Sam could assist him. Rushing the demon on the left Sam stabbed him through the heart and whirled to face the second one. The second demon was prepared when Sam struck and blocked the blow. 

.

The four demons that had appeared in front of them surrounded Dean. While he was doing what he could to take out the demons around him Dean knew he had left himself open to attack several times. The demons surrounding him didn’t seem to be taking the openings. He was beginning to feel like their job was solely to keep him occupied. If that was the case then… Sam. Turning Dean lunged at the closest demon, stabbing him. Holding the body of the dying demon Dean turned and tossed it at the other demon between him and his brother.

Rushing toward Sam and the other demon the three others ported around him cutting him off from his brother once again. Ducking under one of the knives he stabbed out and up striking the demon in front of him. Without bothering to see if the demon was dead he turned to the other two. One slashed out and cut his arm. Dean grabbed the demon’s arm and used it’s forward momentum to pull it closer before stabbing it. 

He turned back to the last demon near him. As he and the demon faced off he glanced to his brother just in time to see the other demon stab a knife into Sam’s chest. The demon released the knife and instantly ported away. The other demon glanced sideways towards Sam and Dean took advantage of the opening. Lunging at the demon he stabbed it but continued past the body as it fell. When he reached his brother he dropped to the ground.

“Sam! Come on Sam, talk to me.”

Sam blinked several times and seemed to be having a hard time focusing. Instead of speaking Sam began coughing. Blood was mixed in the saliva he coughed up. Dean put one hand on the knife sticking out of the right side of Sam’s chest to hold it still. The other hand he placed on the left side of Sam’s chest to hold Sam still.

“Sammy! Don’t you dare die on me! Do you hear me? Don’t you dare die!”

*-*-*-*-*

Dean followed alongside the stretcher clinging onto Sam’s hand as the doctors wheeled Sam down the hallway. People were talking but none of it made any sense so Dean tuned out all of it. Nothing mattered right now but Sam. Sam would be fine, he had to be. Dean absolutely refused to believe that Sam wouldn’t be fine. The doctor’s would patch him up and he might have to stay in the hospital for a while but he would be fine. At the door to the operating room one of the nurses blocked him from going any farther. 

“I’m sorry but you can’t go in,” she said.

“The hell I’m not!”

“You can’t be in the operating room. You have to wait-” 

“I’m not leaving his side!”

“If you don’t go to the waiting room I’ll have to get security. If I do that you won’t be here when he wakes up.”

Breathing heavily Dean watched as the others disappeared through the doors.

“You tell me the second he’s out of surgery,” he demanded.

“Of course.”

“The very second.”

“Of course.”

Dean pressed his lips together and contemplated just shoving his way past the nurse and through the doors. If he did that they would definitely call security. He might take a few of them out but they would just call for more. Besides the doctors would be distracted while trying to save Sam’s life. Yes, he wanted to be in the room with his brother, but he wanted his brother to live. No matter how much he didn’t like it he was going to have to wait for the doctors to finish.

*-*-*-*-*

_Sam, you gotta wake up man, I can’t go on without you. I need you to wake up now, okay? Please?_ The only response was the sounds of the various machines in the room beeping and whirring. Dean rubbed his hands over his face. The doctors had done everything they could but apparently Sam had hit his head when he had fallen to the ground. Apparently the blow to the head had caused swelling and a buildup of pressure. No one knew if Sam would wake up any time soon.

Sitting next to his brother Dean hung onto Sam’s hand tightly. Desperately he tried to think of something he could do to fix this. Sammy couldn’t die. Dean refused to allow it. Right now he would do anything to help Sam if he could just think of something. Lost in his thoughts he jumped when a ringing sound came from the bag containing Sam’s person items. Still holding onto Sam with his right hand, Dean used his left hand to grab the bag. Digging, he found Sam’s phone and inspected the caller I.D. The name simply read C. Frowning he hit the answer button.

“Hello?”

There was a long pause.

“Hello,” Dean repeated.

“Squirrel?”

“Crowley,” Dean growled. 

“Why are you answering Sam’s phone?”

“Why are you calling it?”

“Dean, where is Sam?”

“None of your damned business.”

“If something happened to Sam-”

A thought struck Dean and he cut Crowley off before the demon could continue.

“Room three sixteen, hospital in River Grove, Oregon.”

Dean waited but there was no response. Seconds later Crowley blinked into the hospital room. As Dean opened his mouth to speak Crowley rushed to the bed and placed his hands on either side of Sam’s face. 

“No,” Crowley whispered. 

Dean eyed the demon carefully. Something was definitely going on here. Finally pieces started clicking into place. “You,” he stated angrily. “You’re the person he’s seeing?”

Crowley ignored Dean. “Sam? Wake up please,” Crowley whispered.

Letting go of Sam’s hand Dean grabbed the demon’s shoulders and spun him around so that they were facing each other. “You and Sam? You?”

“What happened to him?”

“Like you don’t know,” Dean spat out. “It was your demons that attacked us!”

“Demons,” Crowley growled.

“Enough. Can you fix this?”

Crowley’s face blanked momentarily. “Fix?”

“Is there anything you can do to help him?”

Crowley turned back to Sam. Gently the demon placed his hand on Sam’s chest. Turning back Crowley’s features set as he faced Dean once again. 

“You have to make a deal.”

“A deal?”

“Yes. If you make a deal I can fix this. There isn't much I can’t do to fulfill a deal, but I can’t do anything without someone making a deal.”

“My brother’s dying, your _boyfriend_ is dying, and you want to use this opportunity to make a deal for my soul?”

“No, not your soul.”

“What then?”

Crowley’s eyes flicked to Sam briefly before looking back to Dean. “I’ll help him but what I want…” Crowley swallowed hard. “I want you to let me wipe our relationship from everyone’s minds.”

“Everyone’s?”

“Yes, my demons, any humans that know, anyone that may have seen us together, everyone. I can heal him and you won’t have to worry about him being attacked again because no one will remember that we’re together.”

“That’s it?”

The demon bit his lower lip and glanced back to Sam. Turning back Crowley straightened and stared squarely into Dean’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Deal,” Dean agreed.

Crowley bit his lower lip again. “We, uh… we have to, uh…”

“You’re dating Sam and you want me to kiss you?”

“Are you daft? Of course I don’t _want_ to kiss you! It’s just… it’s how the magic works.”

“I can’t believe I have to kiss my brother’s boyfriend to save his life,” Dean muttered.

“I’m not overly fond of this myself, you know. You want me to be able to help him or not?”

Taking a deep breath Dean braced himself. With a nod he leaned forward slightly. Meeting Dean’s eyes Crowley leaned forward, hesitated slightly and finally touched his lips to Dean’s lips. Dean’s eyes slid closed.

*-*-*-*-*

Yawning Dean opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. A tiny niggling feeling poked at the back of his mind. Frowning Dean turned to his brother. Sam was laying on his stomach with one leg sticking out from under the blankets. Blowing off the feeling Dean sat up and stretched. With a final yawn he threw his legs over the side of the bed.

“Rise and shine Sammy,” Dean called out loudly.

“Too early,” Sam muttered turning his head away from Dean.

“Nope. Time to get up. The early bird gets the shower.”

“Mmm you go first.”

“You better be up when I get out or I’m dragging you into the shower and turning it on cold.”

“Mmm hm.”

Shaking his head Dean stood and made his way to the bathroom.

*-*-*-*-*

As they exit the room Sam glanced back inside, still holding onto the door.

“What’s up,” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. I just…” Sam frowned slightly. “I feel like I’m forgetting something. Something important.”

“We packed everything, Sam. There’s nothing left in there.”

“I guess you’re right.” 

Closing the door Sam made his way to the Impala and slid into the passenger seat.

.

As they left neither brother noticed the demon watching them. Crowley watched the Impala pull out of the parking lot and stared after it until he couldn’t see it any longer. His Sam was safe, that was what mattered. If nobody remembered their relationship then nobody would attack Sam again because of it. As hard as it was to let go he needed for Sam to be safe. He would do anything it took to ensure that Sam would be safe. Even let go of him.

“I love you,” Crowley whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: Some fifty years after Crowley forced everyone to forget about the relationship.

Staring straight ahead it wasn’t a coffin he was seeing. In his mind flashed every memory he had of the other man. He remembered each time they had saved each other’s lives, every kiss, every soft touch they’d shared, every smile, the beautiful green eyes. Biting his lower lip he hung his head. How was he supposed to carry on now? The only thing that made existence worthwhile was now gone forever. For the last fifty plus years he had kept a constant watch over the other man but eventually death came for everyone.

Turning Crowley made his way away from the gravesite and the others gathered around it. For more than fifty years he had watched over the Winchesters, Sam for obvious reasons, Dean because his death would have hurt Sam. Dean had died last year and Sam had lost interest in everything. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the person blocking his retreat until he almost ran into him.

“Pardon,” Crowley muttered moving to go around.

The other person moved back into Crowley’s path.

“Crowley.”

He hadn’t heard that voice in years yet it was as familiar to him now as it had been all those years ago. Even recognizing the voice Crowley was surprised to look up and see the angel standing in front of him.

“Castiel?”

“Because of our past I was sent to collect you.”

“Collect,” Crowley asked warily.

“To take you home.”

“Home,” Crowley said flatly. “Could you perhaps be a little more clear?”

“You fought against your demonic nature for decades, protecting not only one human but several. You spent years watching over both Winchesters and the people they cared for. You sacrificed your own happiness to protect him.”

Crowley growled low in his throat. The angels knew about him and Sam? Yes, he supposed they would, the nosy busybodies. 

“Now it’s time to go home. You earned it.”

“You still haven’t explained the ‘home’ part.”

“I don’t have to. Only one place has ever been home for you.”

Crowley thought about that. He couldn’t remember anywhere feeling like home. The only times he ever felt at peace were when he was in Sam’s arms and now Sam was gone.

“My home is dead, Castiel.”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed. 

“Sam should be in heaven, Castiel.”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed once again.

“Wait. What are you insinuating?”

“I am not insinuating anything Crowley. It’s time for you to finally go home.”

Crowley opened his mouth but before he could speak Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder. A bright light surrounded them and Crowley squeezed his eyes closed. After several seconds he realized the light had faded. Was he dead? He didn’t feel dead.

“Hey! You going to stand there all night or are you coming to bed?”

Sam? Crowley opened his eyes and stared. Despite what his eyes told him he couldn’t believe it. He took a step towards Sam but stopped.

“Sam?”

“Of course it’s me. So are you coming to bed or not?”

Crowley almost couldn’t remember how to remember how to speak.

“Hey, what’s wrong baby?”

Baby. How many years had it been since he had heard that word from Sam’s lips?

“I love you,” Crowley blurted out. He couldn’t bear the thought of not telling Sam. After all their years apart he never once thought he would ever get the opportunity. He didn’t dare let this moment pass without saying it.

Sam grinned. “Well yeah, and I love you. Now will you come to bed?”

“Yes,” Crowley replied instantly. Most definitely yes. It had been too many years since had touched his Sam. As he climbed into the bed Crowley wrapped his arms around Sam and clung onto him as if Sam might disappear. Sam held him and nuzzled against Crowley’s neck briefly before pulling back and looking into his eyes.

“Welcome home, baby.”


End file.
